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Originally published Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at 5:08 PM

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Keep your eye on the ball, or is that the ball eyeing you?

The Seattle Times

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Step aside, WHIP and WAR, and make room for NSA.

Looks like baseball fans will be treated to even more video reviews of umpires’ calls next season.

“Every play in every game will be monitored by six cameras and relayed to a review booth in New York,” noted comedian Argus Hamilton. “It’s the final proof that surveillance is now America’s national pastime.”

Fun while it lasted

British soccer fan James Gorfin, 40, paid $15,000 to play in an exhibition match for Macclesfield Town — and he made it all the way to injury time.

That is, he pulled a groin muscle just 10 minutes in.

Royal treatment

Miami-Dade Police officers who gave Heat star LeBron James a police escort through heavy traffic to a Justin Timberlake/Jay Z concert were guilty of:

a) Violating department policy

b) Lack of institutional control

c) Setting an illegal pick

Paging Robert Duvall

And in TV news, Sportsman Channel vows to expose our country’s “out-of-control wild hog epidemic” this Sunday with a full night of programming called “Aporkalypse 2013.”

(For those of you who love the smell of bacon in the morning.)

Black-&-Blue Cross

WWE star John Cena is out 4-6 weeks with a triceps injury, but he doesn’t have the best health plan.

Doctors want to go best two-out-of-three surgeries.

Russians to judgment

Two female Russian relay runners who kissed on the medals stand at the World Track & Field Championships in Moscow say their smooch had nothing to do with their country’s new law banning “homosexual propaganda.”

At least that’s the latest word out of the track team’s new training center in upper Irkutsk Oblast, Siberia.

Drive shaft

Drivers of Toyota Prius hybrids are the worst on the American road, according to a Car and Driver survey.

Guess you could say they’re guilty as charged.

Talking the talk

• Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, to the Boston Herald, on whether Red Sox pitcher Ryan Dempster should be suspended for throwing at him: “I’m the wrong guy to ask about suspensions.”

• Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, with a soap-opera update: “Breaking: Yankees coaches throw at Alex Rodriguez during batting practice.”

• Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, on LeBron James’ improper police escort: “It’s good to be King.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on MLB adding more instant replay: “Great. The games aren’t long enough, right? The 2014 season is now projected to end in early 2016.”

Goals! Goals! Goals!

Hear about the Greek soccer team that’s being sponsored by two brothels?

Or as they’re now known around the league, the vice squad.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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