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Originally published July 14, 2013 at 9:33 PM | Page modified July 16, 2013 at 1:05 PM

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Well, Mariano is not exactly known as a hitter

The Seattle Times

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Re: Mariano Rivera. 0-for-3? This counts as news?!? And if he gets a hit in his next... MORE

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Bet you won’t find this on his Hall of Fame plaque.

Some stats maven has discovered that Yankees closer Mariano Rivera, 43, is destined to retire this year as the player who played the most big-league games (nearly 1,100 and counting) without getting a hit.

Rivera’s career batting total: 0 for 3 with a walk.

News flash

Dateline New York: With an NFL player getting arrested every 4.8 days this year, a beleaguered Roger Goodell announced, it’s out with the Pro Bowl and in with the Con Bowl.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Rams are rumored to be moving to L.A. This is not a repeat from 1946.”

• At SportsPickle.com: “Andrew Bynum: “I feel it’s destiny for me to be a Cleveland athlete.”

Fool’s goals

Four Nigerian soccer teams were suspended and a match-fixing investigation was launched after two matches ended in scores of 79-0 and 67-0.

To put that in perspective, only one MLS team, the 1998 L.A. Galaxy, ever scored as many as 79 goals -- in an entire season.

Troy boy

Hear about USC offering a football scholarship to an eighth-grade receiver?

Noted Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald: “This is the first time a college recruit missed letter-of-intent day because he had a Webelos meeting.”

All the trimmings

“The proposed new Atlanta Falcons stadium might include vibrating seats, a 100-yard sports bar with a giant TV screen above it and a fantasy football lounge,” noted Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel. “It used to be fans watching on TV wanted the stadium experience; now fans watching at the stadium want the TV experience.”

Look who’s talking

• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on reports that the Cornhuskers’ new Memorial Stadium turf will be 35 degrees cooler than the previous rug: “Seriously, does Nebraska need anything to be 35 degrees colder in November?”

• NBC’s Jay Leno, on the No. 1 cause of prison overcrowding: “The NFL.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the difficulty of lab-testing the nutritional value of ballpark food: “After just one hot dog, the white mice ran out of money.”

• Meteorologist Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on the U.S. Supreme Court’s approval rating hitting an all-time low: “Even the Chicago Cubs are wondering how nine people can so consistently chalk up a losing record.”

Raising a stink

The minor-league Lynchburg (Va.) Hillcats had back-to-back games delayed when a skunk scampered across the outfield, but fortunately the fans there are already used to holding their noses. The Hillcats have won just five of their first 18 games.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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