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Originally published June 15, 2013 at 4:13 PM | Page modified June 16, 2013 at 2:51 PM

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This is the mother of all full counts

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Sideline Chatter

The worst season ever for major-league umps?

“There may be something to that,” wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “I tuned in to a game last night, and the count on the batter was five balls, four strikes.”

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Bengals fan confident this the wake-up call Pacman Jones needed.”

• In the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: “They gave us the Beatles. We send back the Jaguars?”

Stat of the Week

The last golfer to win back-to-back U.S. Opens — Curtis Strange in 1988 and 1989, at age 34 — never won another PGA Tour event, even on the Senior/Champions Tour.

Strange but true? No kidding.

Stat of the Week II

Red Sox DH David Ortiz boasts six of the 10 slowest home-run trots this season, according to TaterTrotTracker.com.

Running pains

“A Minnesota woman running in a half marathon developed back pain that led to her giving birth when she didn’t even know she was pregnant,” noted meteorologist Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va. “Which meant when filling out the baby’s birth certificate, where it said ‘race’ she put down ‘did not finish.’ ”

Patriot games

From Charles P. Pierce of Esquire.com:

Q: Why did Tim Tebow sign with New England?

A: So he could watch God play quarterback.

Pain in the neck

Sergio Garcia struck Golf Digest’s Max Adler in the neck with an errant tee shot at the U.S. Open last Thursday.

“For the next 15 minutes, my phone didn’t stop buzzing,” Adler blogged. “Twitter followers asked if I would get an apology note like Tiger did.”

Talko time

• DJ Gallo of ESPN.com, suggesting booze as a good Father’s Day gift: “Get him some Rick Pitino Maker’s Mark. In fact, get some for yourself, too. You’ll want a bottle on hand if Kevin Ware’s injury is ever shown on TV again.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on “Hard Knocks” selecting the Bengals to portray for the upcoming season: “It’ll be a joint venture between film crews of HBO and ‘COPS.’ ”

• Blogger TC Chong, on reports that Pete Rose makes more than $1 million a year signing autographs: “They don’t call him Charlie Hustle for nothing.”

• Jets coach Rex Ryan, to reporters, when asked if he’s curious as to how the Patriots will deploy QB Tim Tebow: “Not really. If they want to replace (Tom) Brady with him, that’s fine.”

Kid stuff

Kobe Bryant’s mom and dad issued an apology after the Lakers star sued to prevent them from selling off a bunch of his childhood memorabilia.

That’s two parents who’ll never threaten to clean out their kid’s room again.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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