Skip to main content
Advertising

Originally published Thursday, April 18, 2013 at 9:14 PM

  • Share:
             
  • Comments (316)
  • Print

How plan for simple gay wedding is shaking up lives, state

Two gay men who have led quiet lives in the Tri-Cities area are now at the center of legal actions against Arlene’s Flowers, whose owner wouldn’t provide a floral arrangement for their September wedding.

Seattle Times staff reporter

Most Popular Comments
Hide / Show comments
I can't for the life of me understand why a person claiming to be a Christian would... MORE
Question for those who feel she had the "right" to refuse service: Say for e... MORE
I think what people are missing here is the history of the business. Arlene's Flowers... MORE

advertising

In a part of the state where attitudes toward gay and lesbian people are seldom favorable, Robert Ingersoll and Curt Freed have lived open, but quiet lives — with a tight knot of friends they often entertain in their Kennewick home.

Occasional volunteers at a Tri-Cities youth center for gay and lesbian teens, the men are not politically active and did not take part in last year’s statewide campaign on same-sex marriage.

That might help explain why what happened at a Richland flower shop March 1 has so upended their ordinary lives.

Freed and Ingersoll are now at the center of legal actions against Arlene’s Flowers, where Ingersoll has been a customer for the nine years he’s lived in the Tri-Cities and Freed for much of his life.

In a telephone interview Thursday, Ingersoll said he was surprised by the state attorney general’s discrimination lawsuit against Arlene’s owner, Barronelle Stutzman, who had told the couple that she wouldn’t provide a floral arrangement for their September wedding because of her relationship with Jesus Christ.

On the advice of her attorney, Stutzman, who’s been selling flowers in the Tri-Cities for 37 years, hasn’t spoken publicly since the lawsuit was filed. But right after the incident she told the Tri-City Herald that she believes she should be able to choose whether to participate in a wedding between two men.

She said she has nothing against gay people but believes marriage should be between a man and a woman.

On Thursday, the ACLU of Washington filed a private suit on behalf of the two men, seeking damages from the florist and asking that the shop stop its practice of denying service based on sexual orientation.

Ingersoll said the action isn’t so much about him and Freed but about ensuring the same thing doesn’t happen to anyone else, including the young people they’ve worked with at the Vista Youth Center.

“This saddens us,” said Ingersoll, an operations manager for Goodwill in Richland. “You’re put into a spot where you never thought you’d be.”

Low-key lives

While Freed has lived most of his life in the Tri-Cities and serves as vice president of instruction at Columbia Basin College, Ingersoll grew up in Colorado and New Mexico and served in the military before moving to Yakima after his discharge.

After the two met in 2004, they soon settled into an unassuming life in a county where nearly two-thirds of voters rejected same-sex marriage last fall.

“We live in a conservative part of the state,” Ingersoll said. “But it’s never been something that kept us back.”

Ingersoll said he’s not by nature a confrontational person and he respects other people’s points of view.

He and Freed hadn’t given much thought to getting married, but as they got older began to realize the importance of having legal protections as a couple in areas such as health and finance, Ingersoll said.

He said that after voters approved same-sex marriage last fall, “Curt said, ‘I guess we need to start planning for a wedding.’ ”

Ingersoll went to the shop to talk about a floral arrangement for the simple wedding the men are planning.

“We were planning to wear linen shirts, khaki pants and flip flops,” he said. “We weren’t even planning a reception.”

They weren’t asking the florist to show up at the venue or get involved in any way other than to provide flowers, Ingersoll said.

He had gotten to know the people at Arlene’s and liked them, which is why Stutzman’s rejection hurt him in a way that even now he struggles to express.

At home, Ingersoll said, Freed was even more shocked when he told him what happened and later, when they told friends about it over dinner, “they were livid.”

“I couldn’t sleep that night,” he recalls.

The men wrote about the incident on their Facebook pages the following day, “so immediate friends would know where they were spending their money and that perhaps they may want to spend it somewhere else.” Ingersoll said.

On her shop’s Facebook page, Stutzman wrote that before Ingersoll left that day the two of them talked and hugged, leaving her to believe everything between them was OK.

AG gets a lot of calls

While the men are likely to be witnesses in the state’s case against Arlene’s, they did not complain about the incident to either the attorney general or the Human Rights Commission, which enforces the state’s anti-discrimination laws.

Local news media picked up their story, which is how the Attorney General’s Office learned of the incident.

In an interview Thursday, Attorney General Bob Ferguson said he gave a lot of thought to whether to file a lawsuit, which appears to be the first case of discrimination of any kind the state’s Attorney General’s Office has brought on its own.

His office said it has since fielded many calls, most from people who disagree with him.

“I realize a lot of people around the state have strong views about these issues, around marriage equality, around whether sexual orientation should be part of our law against discrimination,” Ferguson said.

Ingersoll said the couple have since received several offers for wedding flowers and will decide in time.

They realize the sudden spotlight on their lives will likely continue, but Ingersoll said, “we are far more prepared for what happens next than perhaps we might have been 10, 20 years ago.”

Seattle Times staff reporter Jim Brunner contributed to this report.

Lornet Turnbull: 206-464-2420 or lturnbull@seattletimes.com. On Twitter @turnbullL.

News where, when and how you want it

Email Icon

Career Center Blog

Career Center Blog

Looking for joy on the job


Advertising
The Seattle Times

The door is closed, but it's not locked.

Take a minute to subscribe and continue to enjoy The Seattle Times for as little as 99 cents a week.

Subscription options ►

Already a subscriber?

We've got good news for you. Unlimited seattletimes.com content access is included with most subscriptions.

Subscriber login ►