Children, schmildren: Some of us have stuff to buy
The Wrap by Ron Judd
Seattle Times staff columnist
Someone has to say it: All this hand-wringing about passing on mountains of debt to America’s children is getting downright wearisome to those of us without kids.
As the nation’s feckless government teeters on the brink of shutdown over an alleged “spending problem,” Mr. Wrap asks: Who cares?
Not me. You only live once, and all that debt? Won’t take one cent of it with me.
Where, exactly, is it written that the next generation should be able to start out debt-free? Ours didn’t, and look what we’ve managed to accomplish: Snowboards. Text messaging. Ryan Seacrest. Double Stuff Oreos. What more could the world possibly want from us?
(Incidentally: Do these selfish yet-to-be borns have a clue about the havoc that being diapered and debtless will wreak on their credit scores?)
It’s time for the silent majority who wants what it wants, wants it now, and doesn’t care about America of 2075 to stand up, flash its Platinum Plus card, and send a message: Shut up, keep borrowing, and keep your grubby hands off our home-interest mortgage deduction.
And oh, yeah: Don’t even get us started on this global-warming hysteria. A couple more degrees warmer for the grandkids we’ll never have? Plant some palms and spare us the drama.
We offer five simple words for the wretchedly disadvantaged Generation Next: Work harder. Wear a hat.
More modest proposals:
Speaking of Drama Queens: Ultimate insider reporter Bob Woodward is on the phone with CNN, locked in his basement, claiming his house is surrounded by assassins hired by the White House budget office. Move along, folks, nothing to see here.
Shiver Me Timbers: The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals (the Wrap gift that keeps on giving) has
labeled Paul Watson and members of the anti-whaling Sea Shepherd Conservation Society “pirates.” Interesting word choice. The ethics of the Shepherds’ unquestionably aggressive tactics against Japanese “research” whalers are debatable, but ask yourself: Which fleet of boats in this ongoing skirmish goes home from Antarctica every year with cargo holds full of plundered natural treasure?
We-ell Wilburrrrr: Not that he’s freaking out about the Ikea horsemeatballs scandal, but Mr. Wrap suspected something was amiss when he returned from the Kent store with an unassembled kitchen chopping station called the “Seebiskkit.”
Attention, Amazon.com: Can someone please find a large-print or books-on-tape version of the Washington State Constitution and send it to Tim Eyman? We’ll pay for it.
Speaking of Which: Irony rarely gets more delicious than the fact that the Eymanites’ new hurdle to get a constitutional amendment to require a two-thirds legislative majority to raise taxes is ... a two-thirds majority of the Legislature.
Oh, the Humanity: An Australian billionaire wants to build an exact replica of the ill-fated ocean-liner Titanic. If it succeeds in crossing the Atlantic, passengers will make the trip back across the pond on an exact-replica zeppelin, Hindenburg.
And Finally: A few choice words for everyone involved in reassembling a local treasure, the Museum of History & Industry, at its new South Lake Union location — and especially for local environmental artist John Grade’s soaring, awe-inspiring “Wawona” sculpture therein: Bravo. Nicely done.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280. On Twitter: @roncjudd.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.