U.S. Postal: Sticking a Lance through Saturday delivery
The Wrap by Ron Judd
Seattle Times staff columnist
It’s the only word that describes the reaction in the Wrap Department when the U.S. Postal Service (motto: “So Sorry About that Armstrong Guy”) announced that it would no longer be able to fulfill its traditional and vital national mission of delivering uncontainable bundles of dry-cleaning coupons and carpet-steamer vouchers on Saturdays.
Among other things, it’s expected to be a stunning blow to the U.S. nail-salon and gutter-helmet
But in a larger sense, it leaves us baffled.
How can the bottom line erode so badly at a delivery service that ships millions of letters to far-flung places every day for 46 cents apiece?
More bulk mailings:
Ranger Rick, Meet Your Green Vest: Interesting move by the Obama administration, naming Sally Jewell, CEO of REI, as head of the Department of Interior. How cool will it be to start getting a 10 percent end-of-year dividend check for all our public lands access fees?
Speaking of Jewell: Our sources say the Interior Department interview process is a lot more complicated than it was under G.W. Bush, when applicants answered the single essay question: “Unmuffled Snowmobile: Greatest modern wilderness experience, or greatest wilderness experience ever? Discuss.”
Perspective Deficit Disorder: In the wake of that announcement, Seattle’s KUOW ran a story suggesting Jewell, perhaps the most green-oriented nominee ever for that job, had somehow soiled her own nest by pledging to make REI “carbon-neutral” by 2020, but in fact seeing the carbon “footprint” of the growing company increase by one-third over the past seven years. One question about that angle: Seriously?
Honestly, No Offense to Boeing, But: When you’re test-flying all those DreamFryers in coming weeks, would you mind using the strip in Moses Lake? Fewer breakable objects over there.
Remote (Lack of) Control: It’s good to see Mayor Mike McGinn recognize that the city’s fledgling surveillance drone program might have been distracting the Seattle Police Department from its core mission of covering its collective butt and protecting the job of spectacularly ineffectual police chief John Diaz.
Three Yards and a Cloud of Final Net: Millions of WSU Cougar football fans rejoiced when coach Mike Leach announced that among his 2013 recruits was a styling academy transfer who could finally do something about Leach’s hair.
Speaking of Couging It: Anyone else notice that Wazzu is building, at its Tri-Cities branch, a $23 million “Wine Science Center?” It’s in keeping with the tradition of the University’s Pullman-campus Pabst Blue Ribbon Research Institute, part of the school’s popular Healthy Buzz Studies Department.
Justice Un-Served: Word is that the paper-toothed Obama Justice Department, which already has reserved a special place in history by failing to prosecute the biggest criminals in the nations’ history — Wall Street bankers responsible for the economic collapse — is finally mulling charges against lying, thieving, perjuring bully Lance Armstrong. You just hate to see that happen to a man who has done so much to promote good causes, namely himself.
And Finally: Are we missing something here, or did the Oak Harbor City Council just overturn a ban on guns in city parks and other properties at gunpoint?
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.
About The Wrap / Ron Judd
"The Wrap" appears on Sundays, highlighting the absurd and providing the punch line to the week's news headlines.