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Originally published January 20, 2013 at 5:30 AM | Page modified February 18, 2013 at 10:58 AM

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Lance Armstrong’s ‘Doprah’ chat leaves us feeling deflated

The Wrap by Ron Judd

Seattle Times staff columnist

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Excellent as usual, Ron. Especially loved the "Civic Extortion Update". The... MORE
Personally, having little to crow about regarding life's accomplishments,I'm patting... MORE
Doping in cycling is a form a cheating. No different in that respect from giving... MORE

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What a letdown.

Having anticipated the spectacle for years, Mr. Wrap was all prepared, popcorn in hand, to thoroughly enjoy disgraced liar Lance Armstrong’s “Doprah” interview on Thursday night.

Alas, it ultimately proved difficult to stay ticked at a guy so clueless and ethically bereft that he actually had to look up the word “cheat” in a dictionary.

Look at the bright side, golden boy. Next time you need a refresher and go to look up the term again, it will have your picture there.

More faux remorse:

Speaking of Lance: We’re hoping that at least a few of the frothing Lance sycophants who wrote in to inform us that the serial liar had “never failed a drug test” noted the fact that, in the same interview, he practically had to stifle a guffaw when asked, “Were you ever worried about getting caught?”

Just Wondering: If Oprah’s grilling of Lance was, in fact, a “no-holds-barred” interview, what would a “some-holds-barred” or “all-holds-barred” interview look like? And how exactly does one bar a hold in the first place? This is the sort of stuff that keeps us up at night.

Meanwhile, Under the Golden Dome: Everybody was atwitter about that Notre Dame linebacker and his fake girlfriend. Big whoop. It’s going to take more than that to impress people out here, where we’ve got a fake professional baseball team and a fake state Senate Majority Leader — Sen. Rodney Benedict Arnold Tom, D-Medina.

Speaking of Ineffectual Leadership: In the interest of simplifying things for our City Hall reporter, please raise your hand if you have some passing interest in Seattle civic affairs and are NOT running for mayor next fall.

The Week’s Great-Timing Award: To General Electric, which, a day after the grounding of all Boeing 787 Dreamliners, was running TV ads touting the company’s advanced new jet engines. Visual: A United 787 (parked). Voice-over: “Planes use less fuel, spend less time on the ground and more time in the air.”

Speaking of the 787: Gotta love the traditional gallows humor of Boeing types who were watching the spectacle and commenting: “At least we know the evacuation slides work.”

OK, One More: Exclusive inside sources were telling us that Boeing’s crack engineering team was already pushing a solution to the 787’s battery problem. It involves a 737 with an open hood and a really long set of jumper cables.

Swoosh, He’s Gone: The local sports world was caught off guard when Oregon Ducks football coach Chip Kelly decided to bolt to the NFL, after all. Nike’s Phil Knight said he will name a replacement by early this week.

Civic Extortion Update: NBA Commissioner David Stern, in his first comments on the possible sale of the Sacramento Kings, made a hissing noise and slithered back into a dark hole at the NBA’s posh New York headquarters.

And Finally: Thank you so much, KING-5 news, for that new feature where you post random people’s inane Facebook thoughts about the news of the day! We simply don’t get enough of that in our normal day-to-day lives.

Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at rjudd@seattletimes.com or 206-464-8280.

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