After this crazy year, things can only get better
So, after the 2008 sports-pocalypse, what now? What's an appropriate encore when Murphy's Law strikes? How do you forecast the aftermath...
Seattle Times staff columnist
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So, after the 2008 sports-pocalypse, what now?
What's an appropriate encore when Murphy's Law strikes?
How do you forecast the aftermath of a stupefying disaster?
By expecting nirvana, of course.
Dream for a minute. Send common sense to the spa or something. If this year taught us that everything can go preposterously wrong, why can't 2009 be its virtuous twin? Why can't we be anointed with the inverse — glory?
Fantasize this morning. Make cynicism take out the trash or something. Every new year must brim with hope, even for Kelly Jennings. The slate will be clean for everyone soon, even Erik Bedard. Envision a year in which the athletes take full advantage of their never-ending second chances.
That alone would be an amazing story line. But let's get even crazier. We can't imagine anything more insane than what we encountered this year.
CRAZY 2008 MEMORY: In a tension-riddled, 101-loss season, one of the Mariners flirted with the idea of knocking out Ichiro, according to a Times source. (Who knows, he might've even swung and missed, considering how the Mariners fared at the plate this year.)
CRAZIER 2009 ENCORE: Ichiro apologizes to his teammates during spring training and declares, at age 35, that he's ready to be a leader. To conclude his shocking announcement, he brings back John McLaren's "American Idol" spring-bonding sessions, singing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together."
CRAZY 2008 MEMORY: After finishing their two years in Seattle with a 51-113 record, the Oklahoma Raiders said they tried their best to keep the Sonics here. Then they moved to Oklahoma City, whereupon they gave the team the worst nickname in the NBA (Thunder), designed a logo that may have been created with an Etch A Sketch and commenced to lose 26 of their first 28 games in their new abode.
CRAZIER 2009 ENCORE: Clay Bennett, chairman of the Raiders, watches the Thunder finish 8-74, the worst 82-game mark in NBA history, and announces in a weeping confession that he made a terrible mistake thinking he could own a pro basketball team. He offers to sell the team back to Howard Schultz for only $74 million (to match the Thunder's loss total) and says he will even pay Tyrone Willingham's buyout.
CRAZY 2008 MEMORY: Mike Holmgren announced this would be his final season as the Seahawks coach, and 46 seconds later, secondary coach Jim Mora was named the team's coach-in-waiting. The club made the announcement at a news conference that neither Mora nor Holmgren attended.
CRAZIER 2009 ENCORE: At his introductory news conference, Mora reveals that this will be his ninth-to-last season as the Seahawks coach, and 46 seconds later, the team announces that Jim Zorn again won't be under consideration to take over in 2019. In addition, Huskies fans declare that Mora will top their coaching wish list in 2019. Desperate to succeed because their coach will only be around a decade, the Seahawks finish with the league's best record.
CRAZY 2008 MEMORY: The Huskies endured a defeated season, a flaw-ful, 0-12 year that cost Willingham his job and affixed a permanent dunce cap atop the head of a certain columnist who supported the coach being retained for that debacle.
CRAZIER 2009 ENCORE: New coach Steve Sarkisian discovers a special NCAA exemption allowing him to poach 17 USC players to fill out his roster. He chooses all backups, but they all become prominent players at Washington. In addition, Jake Locker becomes the quarterback we all expected him to be. The Huskies return to the Rose Bowl. When asked about the stunning turnaround, Willingham says he doesn't want to take credit while taking credit, and in an introspective moment, he admits he's most disappointed that he didn't find that exemption.
CRAZY 2008 MEMORY: Seattle got hammered nationally for its futility, with every media publication worth its comprehensive reputation parachuting in to declare what we could've said in two words: This stinks.
CRAZIER 2009 ENCORE: The national media returns late and realizes all has changed. Bedard and Felix Hernandez are the new-school Koufax and Drysdale! Huskies football is back! Matt Hasselbeck's bulging disks aren't protruding into the Seahawks' hopes! Ichiro isn't acting like an untouchable superstar! The Sonics are ...
OK, common sense and cynicism have returned.
Fun's over. We'll have to speak in code now.
Repeat after me: '09 will be divine.
Copyright © 2008 The Seattle Times Company
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When vice president of Sub Pop Records Megan Jasper isn't running things at the office, she's working in her garden at her West Seattle home where she and her husband Brian spend time relaxing.