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Originally published June 9, 2013 at 7:10 PM | Page modified June 11, 2013 at 3:30 PM

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Beware of a smart mouth, and some flying 9-irons

Taking a look at Tiger Woods’ worst nightmare

The Seattle Times

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What if they held a U.S. Open, and a reality TV show broke out?

Tiger Woods and estranged caddie Steve Williams — who now works on Adam Scott’s bag — will be paired for the first two rounds of the big golf championship this week.

Noted ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser: “The only thing worse for Tiger is if he was paired with Sergio — and Sergio had Elin as caddie.”

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Gregg Popovich admits winning the championship this year would mean about the same as previous titles.”

• At Fark.com: “N.Y. Mets delay disappointing their fans until the 20th inning.”

Inking a deal

Someone apparently sold Terrelle Pryor’s infamous 2008 Big Ten championship ring on eBay for $18,000.

And a tattoo to be named later.

What in Tarnation?

P.J. Hairston, North Carolina’s leading basketball scorer, was charged with marijuana possession following a traffic stop in Durham, N.C. — the hometown of rival Duke.

“Really?” wrote Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com. “About as smart as speeding near Fenway Park wearing a Yankees cap.”

Jaws of Defeat Dept.

The NHL Sharks’ arena is about to be renamed the SAP Center at San Jose.

Judging by the team’s history of underachieving in the playoffs, it’ll be the only SAP that isn’t running in late winter.

No stopping Tony

“The Heat shouldn’t feel too bad,” wrote Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot. “Eva Longoria couldn’t keep Tony Parker in check, either.”

Talking the talk

• Gabe Zaldivar of BleacherReport.com, on the NFL fan who ordered a Tom Brady Fathead poster and got one of Tim Tebow instead: “Like ordering a cheeseburger only to get tofu, or asking for change for $20 only to get two fives and a punch to the stomach.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, looking at his punched-out baseball All-Star ballot: “There are more holes in that thing than A-Rod’s hip.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, after the Nuggets fired coach of the year George Karl: “Hey, wait. When did Jeffrey Loria buy the Nuggets!?”

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, suggesting the name “Old England Redcoats” if London gets its own NFL team: “Why not? They’ve been itching for a rematch with the Patriots.”

Taking his medicine

Browns receiver Josh Gordon is blaming his two-game drug suspension on codeine from some cough medicine he took.

On the bright side, the stuff obviously worked:

Gordon only coughed the ball up once last season.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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About Sideline Chatter | Dwight Perry

Times night-desk editor Dwight Perry uses Sideline Chatter as a not-so-safe haven for the humorous, offbeat and bizarre events and characters that color the sports landscape. His Page 2 column runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays in Sports.
dperry@seattletimes.com | 206-464-8250

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