AAU basketball peddlers or used-car salesmen? You make the call.

"One of the traditions of media check-in at various tournaments is watching college coaches shill out hundreds of dollars to pay for all-important packets, which are filled with player phone numbers and addresses," wrote Tristan Aird of the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

"You might see college coaches leave soda or water bottles behind when they leave a gym, but their beloved packets often are clutched as tightly as a Dennis Rodman rebound."

Name game

When it comes to top-tackling cornerbacks in college football, who better than Wisconsin's Hugs Etienne?

Mute point

Five good reasons to be thankful ESPN's Chris Berman isn't broadcasting women's soccer at this year's Olympics, from comedy writer Alex Kaseberg:

• Heather "Catcher's" Mitts

• Alex "Kiss me in the" Morgan

• Abby "Normal" Wambach

Fire sail

And from the "Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves" file comes word that South Korea sent sailing coach Lee Jae-cheol home from the Olympics for driving three sheets to the wind.

Olympic headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "Olympic discus thrower nervous about appearing on television for 14 seconds."

• At SportsPickle.com: "NBC admits most of its shows are not live."

Not measuring up

"Really, Olympics?" groused comedy writer Tim Hunter. "The best you can do this time around are badminton and Twitter scandals?"

Twitter me timbers

Braves manager Fredi Gonzalez said he "tossed and turned all night" after reading a tweet from oft-injured third baseman Chipper Jones announcing "Got a date wit the Doc tmrw."

Alas, Chipper merely meant Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay.

Quote marks

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Dog Night at a recent Oakland A's game: "In a straw poll, the dogs were asked to name their all-time favorite pitcher. By a landslide, it was Red Ruffing."

• David Whitley of FanHouse.com, putting Michael Phelps' record Olympic medal haul in perspective: "He has more medals than 158 countries that are competing in London."

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the 200-plus countries in this year's Olympics: "So it's a lot like the Big East tournament, only smaller."

• Hall of Fame pitcher Bert Blyleven, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on the toughest hitter he ever faced: "Anybody with a bat."

Some losing streak

Ex-steroid slugger Jose Canseco stayed true to his baseball roots when he filed for bankruptcy this week.

Legal wags say they'd never seen anyone claim they were $1.7 million under .500 before.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com