Bargains too good to pass up!

Dear: Steven A. Ballmer
or current occupant
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, WA 98052

You've probably heard by now that Rates are as Low as they have Ever Been!

It's a Great Time to Buy!

We understand you're seeking a loan for a second home in:

SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

Can we interest you in additional properties? Zero interest to start!

Does your wish list include a Seattle pied-à-terre with a commanding view of the clouds — cloud computing, that is!

Amazon.com is a coveted top 10 online property with easy cross-lake commute, unique culture and plenty of familiar faces.

Imagine what you could do with a pre-Google War space that entertains 170 million monthly visitors.

You want search, they do search.

You want metrics, they've got metrics.

Plus talent, talent, talent.

Not to mention the entertainment center of your dreams, with state-of-the-art music and video-delivery systems.

Online services, urban cachet and storage galore, a steal at $30.3B.

But why stop there?

If it's online curb appeal you're after, take a fair and balanced look at News Corp.

This foxy media conglomerate boasts a world-class stable of Thoroughbred brands, plus 19 percent of the global Web audience.

The future of interactive video is yours with Fox Studios in your backlot. Not to mention positive coverage of Windows in The Wall Street Journal.

Did you say MySpace? Opportunity abounds for a savvy technologist with a decorator's touch.

With this gem in your pocket, you'll be irresistible to your new friends in Sunnyvale — it's the Yin to your Yang.

Have it all, plus a bonus bully pulpit, for just $19.7B.

But enough dawdling.

If it's Madison Avenue you want, what's holding you back?

You showed the world that you can handle an ad agency after you bought aQuantive.

Now you're ready for the big time.

Google, schmoogle, you'll say when you take the keys of Interpublic, a charming multinational with pedigree to spare.

This big-four ad conglomerate boasts a client list Web portals only dream about.

How does the ad business of Verizon, Johnson & Johnson and General Motors sound? Did someone say cross-selling?

Admit it, you're already adding up the savings from bringing McCann, Microsoft's own agency, in-house. Not to mention all the excitement and glamour a New York headquarters has to offer.

The wow is now, if you act fast. This fixer-upper won't last at $4B.

Not big or High-Tech enough?

There's flair to spare at WPP, a British-born ad major.

This stately London (and New York) revival is newly renovated with the latest digital services and capabilities.

Imagine the look on your Wall Street pals' faces when you roll up with WPP's $55.6 billion in ad billings and $11 billion in revenue.

(Good luck finding those numbers in Sunnyvale!)

Make them say yahoo and mean it with WPP, now just $14.6B.

With your outstanding credit, these are just a few of the exciting options available now by calling our toll-free number anytime.

Act Fast! Rates Won't Stay Low Forever!

Brier Dudley's column appears Mondays. Reach him at 206-515-5687 or bdudley@seattletimes.com.