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Sunday, December 9, 2012 - Page updated at 04:30 p.m.

Sideline Chatter
Apparently, Rolling Stones finally do gather some moss

By Dwight Perry
The Seattle Times

See what you've started, Gregg Popovich?

"This just in," wrote Brian Schmitz of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel. "The Rolling Stones announced they are holding out Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Ron Wood for next Saturday's concert at Barclays Center in Brooklyn.

"They're old and tired, and have been on the road forever."

Headlines

• At Fark.com: "Unseen stories of hardship during the NHL lockout: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a new Zamboni-driver job in Nashville?"

• At TheOnion.com: "Vikings coach maintains confidence in Christian Ponder's ability to hand ball to Adrian Peterson."

Another hockey lockout

A department-store Santa in Toronto was fired after telling a 3-year-old boy wearing a Maple Leafs cap that "you shouldn't be wearing that — they suck."

So you see, kids, Santa Claus is not only real, he's real honest.

Sports quiz

When a fan near the green yells "Get in the hole!" he or she is imploring a golfer to put:

a) the ball in the cup.

b) the end of his broomstick putter into his belly button.

Maim That Tune Dept.

Among the best sports Christmas song titles, from SportsPickle.com:

• "O Little Town of Buffalo"

• "Coughlin, the Red-Nosed Head Coach"

• "Bettman Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

• "You're a Mean One, Mr. Stern"

Talko time

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after Lions running back Kevin Smith denied tweeting that he wants to play for the Dolphins: "Good thing, too, before the league fines him for tampering with himself."

• NBC's Jimmy Fallon, after the New Orleans Hornets chose Pelicans over Brass as the team's new nickname: "Even celebrity babies are like, 'These are AWFUL names.' "

• Vancouver, B.C., comic Torben Rolfsen, on the biggest snag in Wisconsin hiring Boise State football coach Chris Petersen: "He's insisting they paint the turf red."

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Washington state voters legalizing marijuana: "As a result, the University of Washington has changed its mascot from the Huskies to the Snoop Dogs."

Practice swings

Caddies Grant Buchanan and Matt Kelly face probable fines from the PGA after resorting to fisticuffs near the putting green before the opening round of the Australian Open.

One reportedly landed three punches but said, "Put me down for a five."

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

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