The Seattle Times

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ALAN BERNER / THE SEATTLE TIMES
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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

If you can't laugh at yourself ... April Fools!

The Seattle Mariners (motto: Pennants are Fleeting; Bobbleheads are Forever) have signed local icon Ichiro to a 30-year contract extension. Note: The fact that some of you, for half a second, found this at least somewhat plausible is proof that you've eaten way too many garlic fries at Safeco Field -- or that the front office needs a spring cleaning.